Curiosity
by itzalliballi
Summary: She is moving on. She's making a life for herself, but before she can do that, she must say goodbye to her ultimate weakness. Can she do it? Complete!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone. This story was inspired by a song, ((which is featured, although slightly edited in here as the letter)) called Curiosity by Marc Kuchner. I don't own it, or Grey's Anatomy. It's AU. I'm not sure how many chapters it will have... I'm guessing somewhere between 6-8. I hope you like it! **

Most people find writing to be soothing. So says my therapist. Me? I think talking is much easier. No grammar, no misunderstanding. Tone says everything when you speak. It's you. But talking is simply not an option in this case. So here I am, sitting at my mahogany wood desk in my little black dress. Trying and utterly failing to write a letter that has been written in my head for years. I don't even know how to begin to classify this letter. Announcement? Definitely. Thank you? Possibly. Well, that's taking for granted that this will be written in anything that's slightly comprehensible. I have never really been able to put together a complete sentence when it came to him. Which is what makes this so incredibly nerve wrecking. But he'd understand. He's always understood. To a fault, really. Damn it!

Hey Stranger!

No. Too casual. This isn't a casual letter. So why do I feel like I'm writing to a friend. We aren't- were never really- friends. We were everything and nothing at all at the same time. And that thought alone INFURIATES me. It makes no sense and perfect sense. Gr. I hate being hypocritical. But he's just.. him. I'm pouting! About a letter! A letter that i probably won't ever send! That's just pathetic. Gr. I ball up the first sheet of yellow paper and toss it a few inches to the trash bin on the side of my desk.

Take two.

Dear

Scratch that. Damn it. How does anyone ever write anything? This is impossible! Good thing I bought an entire pad of this paper. Might need every page the way this is going. Get it together. This isn't rocket science, because believe me, I would prefer rocket science. I could kick rocket science's ass.

After several more failed attempts, too many really, I glance over to the small trash bin to find that it is nearly half full with the paper. Sighing, I run my hands over my face, being careful not to mess up a speck of makeup, something I'd nearly perfected over the years. Almost. My eyes finally leave the trashcan back to the newly revealed blank sheet of paper before they wonder past the boundaries I'd given them onto my pastel blue walls. At this moment, even the walls remind me of him. Despite the fact that I feel mildly pathetic, it reminds me why this letter is important. I must say goodbye, once and for all. Because next Saturday, everything will be different. I will be different. My life will no longer be my own. I will be married. To a man that I truly love. And he loves me. He's everything my parents, as well as my friends, wanted me to marry, and I'm FINALLY okay with that. Because he will take care of me always. Not that I can't take care of myself, but it's nice to know that he would- if I needed him to. The chicken noodle soup with a a slice of bread in bed when my head is clouded and nose too stuffy to even think of trespassing out of the room, he would have it. Faster than I could manage to make it myself, probably. Yes, we will be happy. With a new wave of bravery and courage washing through my adrenaline filled veins I refocus my attention to the blank page with a determination I didn't possess when I first began this. It started as 'necessary' homework from Ruth, yes, my therapist. Given, I told her I wrote it months ago. That is completely irrelevant. I know now that he's not the one for me. No matter how much I told myself that .He was- is - everything my parents hated, and I think I loved that more than anything else. Maybe I was that for him too. The rich girl that gave it up. But I don't care. It was.. it was magical. Logic can't ruin that.

To my past...

With a smile on my face, I realize that I am content with the greeting. It fits. It's something I've used to describe him in my head over and over again. But writing it is a completely new feeling. It's now officially documented. There's something about that that's completely.. amazing.

**It was a grey September day when you moved in next door  
Your eyes were bright with a foreign light that I had to explore**

I was sitting on my couch, aimlessly flipping through the channels while waiting for my best friend, Anne, to come over when I heard a rather soft knock on my door. If it wasn't for the fact that I had the TV muted, there's a good chance I wouldn't have heard him at all. But I did, and despite the inner 12 year old in me screaming to ignore it, I trudged myself off the couch to the door. Using some sense that someone, probably our cleaning lady, Kathy, had installed in me at some point in time, I glanced through the peek hole, and instead of seeing a face of any kind, I saw black waves of thick hair blocking any chance I had of seeing him. I waited for a moment until there was another knock before I realized that he had no intentions of exposing himself before I opened the door. Biting on my lower lip for a moment, I took a deep breath and squinted my eyes closed.

"Hello?" I asked, truly afraid that it was some robber or criminal of sorts. But then again, I'd never seen a criminal with that nice of hair. In fact, I don't remember ever meeting someone with hair quite like his before. Glancing into the peep hole once again, I watched as he finally lifted his head just enough for me to see his eyes. His eyes are the only reason I opened the door at all. They seemed so genuine and honest and .. helpless. Who doesn't want to be the one to save someone.

"Hello? I'm sorry to bother you.." He began, glancing back down until I got the courage to open the door, albeit slowly, to reveal the rest of the stranger. It took me a moment to take in the sight. I knew instantly that it was a good thing Anne hadn't arrived yet because as much as I love her, she would quickly shut the door on him. He wasn't filthy, but he could definitely take a shower. His jeans had dirt stains all down his legs, and his white t shirt had smudges that matches the ones on his arms. In fact, under normal circumstances, I probably would have to, but once again his eyes caught mine, leaving me standing in complete uncertainty before him. I probably looked equally odd to him in my dark denim jeans and red halter top to match my heels that I'd slipped on at some point after I hung up the phone, and my manicured nails that to most looked perfect, but were in desperate need of a filling. Or maybe I didn't at the moment, but possibly later when he realized I had no plans of leaving my apartment that night.

"Hi." He blushed slightly, making him even more irresistible than before as he glanced down at his own appearance. "I'm terribly sorry to bother you."

"No." I offer a genuine smile, something I don't give very often with the crowd I run in, as I shake my head to assure him "It's okay. I was just watching TV." I'd never felt embarrassed about my insistent need to always look my best until that moment when he eyed my heels before shrugging it off. "I'm waiting for a friend." I add, to somehow make myself better, knowing that Anne would be just as, if not more, dressed up than I was.

"I was just hoping I could use your phone." He frowned as he glanced down the hallway. "I just moved in next door, and I don't have a phone yet, and, well if I.."

"Oh. Yeah. Sure. Come on in." I smiled for a moment before turning back around, trying to block out all the horror movies I'd seen, and focusing on the fact that he might be impressed with how clean my apartment was.

Not that I was trying to impress him.

"Thanks." He sighed, slipping off his tennis shoes before entering the foyer. "Nice place." He offered weakly as his eyes travel along the arches of the ceilings and doorways.

"Oh. Thanks." I smiled, only vaguely wondering what the inside of his apartment looks like. I handed him the phone and walked back into the living room, not wanting to invade his privacy.

I could vaguely make out several words of his strained whispers, and it didn't take long to realize that he was talking to his mother. I know because I spoke in the same tone when it came to my own. Several minutes later, he appeared in the living room, obviously feeling uncomfortable.

I glanced up at him from the couch, trying my hardest to make a comment on his stiff manner, before outreaching my hand to his. Glancing down at it a moment, he gave me an odd glance. "The phone." I grinned as a knowing look crosses his face, quickly followed by flushed cheeks.

"Sorry." He mumbled as he placed the phone in my hand, and took a step back quickly.

"I don't bite... strangers." I smirked, giving him a slightly naughty eye as I glanced away from his eyes down the rest of his body, focusing on the important points. I watched in amusement as his jaw dropped slightly in shock as he tried to think of something to say. I couldn't tell if he wasn't used to getting hit on, which I found hard to believe, or he was just uncomfortable by me, which was obviously worse for me.

"Derek. My name is Derek." He finally smiled as he took a step back towards me, not quite brave enough to get in reaching distance, something that I found easy to fix as I stood to meet him.

"Nice to meet you, Derek." I smile, continuing to get closer and closer to him until my hands had found themselves on his shoulders, and down to his biceps. I'm not sure why I wanted to watch him squirm so badly, but I did. Or at least relax. But as my hands slowly formed grips around his muscles, my intentions morphed into something I didn't expect. A knowing smile crossed my features as I felt him tighten under my grasp. I almost started to lose interest with his little to no response until I felt his calloused hands on my hips, trespassing slowly beneath my shirt, running soft circles teasingly against my overly moisturized skin. My hands

traveled back up his arms until they encircle his neck pulling him even closer to me. I was only vaguely aware by then of the fact that I only knew his name, but it didn't seem that important. All he knew about me was that I had a phone. So really, I wasn't so bad off of the two. At least that's what I told myself as I ran my tongue quickly over my glossed lips.

"Do you.. Um.. Want to go get something to eat?" He managed to get out, albeit very huskily and made it very clear that he didn't want to leave either.

"No." I whispered as I leaned into his ear, letting my lips flutter against it as I allowed a hand to run through his hair. My hand continued to roam until he forcefully pulled me closer to him, our bodies suddenly having no room for air between us. Before I had time to enjoy the feel of his hands roaming my back, they'd lifted themselves to my hair, pulling it away from my face until he had a view of me he was content with. There was something so incredibly intoxicating about the feel of him that I allowed myself to let my eyes slowly close, only strengthening the power of his hands until I felt his lips on mine. The kiss was soft at first, but as my lips parted in a low moan, it quickly became more passionate. As soon as we pulled away for air, he released me from his grasp.

"I should go." He muttered taking several steps back until he hit the wall, leaving us both thankful that I hadn't hung up any frames yet.

"Huh?" I asked in a daze, not quite in the state to comprehend rational thinking, unless it led to my bedroom. Or the couch. Or the wall. I wasn't picky. Luckily for him, my phone started ringing, bringing me back to my senses. Holding up my finger towards him as I grab the phone off the table, even though I don't actually remember putting it there.

"Hello?" I answered, turning away from him so that I could at least try to focus on the conversation.

"Hey bestie!" Anne beamed through the phone as I finally realized how much hell she would give me about him.

"Anne. Hey babe." I smile as I run my fingers through my hair to calm it down in case she's here. "What's up?"

"Fix your hair, we are going out." She grinned, and I turned around worriedly to find that not only was she not there, but neither was he. It wasn't until then that I heard the door close with a thud, involuntarily releasing a sigh from my lips. That could have been great.

"Alright. I'm going to need an hour though at least." I softly demand, hoping that I could atleast apologize for my behavior.

"You got it babe, see you then." She hung up before I could even ask where we were going. Rolling my eyes, I hung up the phone, and made my way to the door, thankful that there was only one apartment he could live in.

By the time I reached his doorway, he was already opening it again, this time with a jacket and a set of car keys in hand. "Going somewhere?" I ask, silently berating myself at the fact that it was truly none of my business. A fact he didn't even seem to think of as he glanced between my eyes and his keys before resting back on my eyes.

"I want to take you somewhere." Needless to say after his quick departure, I was nothing short of surprised. But with the taste of his lips still lingering on mine, craving more almost if it was a war of will, I simply nodded my head and allowed him to grab my hand and drag me down the stairwell straight to his car.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Just wanted to thank those that reviewed:D Here's the next update, just a warning, it's a bit smutty. Well, Yeah. Just a _Warning_. **

** Enjoy!!**

**Remember bold letter. Yes, I know people don't actually write like that in letters, but bare with me:) **

**OH. And I don't own anything in Grey's Anatomy.. or the song. **

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**

**We stole out to the woods and lay down in the shed  
When you told me your plans, I couldn't understand half the words you said  
But when I touched your hair it felt so fine  
The skin on your hands didn't look like mine  
When you kissed my mouth, I stopped breathing**

The drive to the destination was fairly short considering how nervous I was. You'd think it would seem like an eternity. As we pulled up to the nearly abandoned shed, I'd pretty much come to terms that he was going to murder me. And there was nothing I could do about it, because even if I tried to run, in heels that's never seen more than a bar or two, I wouldn't know where to go. I'm not the girl that gets invited on road trips to make sure we're going in the right direction. I'm the girl that sleeps in the backseat until we arrive. It's just a fact that I've come to accept, and so has Anne, who is always the driver. No matter the destination.

My thoughts had a tragic death of sorts as I felt his hand hover of mine, silently demanding my attention. Casting an eye at his hand, that was surprisingly naturally tanned and had several dirt marks along them, or was that oil? I wasn't sure, but somehow as my eyes continued on their journey to meet his, the fear in the pit of my stomach dissolved into pure anxiety. Going purely on the memory of the way his hands roamed my skin, I followed his gaze to the shed, this time allowing myself to notice more than the fact that it seemed abandoned. For instance it's crimson color trimming was nearly completely gone on the left side of the structure, leaving my eyes nothing but a stained wood to look at, and it's off white double doors had definitely seen better days than what they'd been left to show, I could only assume that they'd been pearly white at one point, but that point seemed too far away for me to even comprehend a guess as to when that was. Finally turning back towards him as the sound of his door opening brought me back from my thoughts to his obvious amused smile. "What's so funny?" I asked, not being able to keep the words from rolling off my tongue, almost against my will.

He simply shook his head, not being able to completely wipe the look off his features entirely, but enough for me to let it go as he flawlessly, at least in my eyes, removed himself from the car, making his way to my side of the car, instantly opening the door and helping me out. I wondered vaguely if he missed my body's warmth as much as I missed his, but I didn't have time to fully process it as he tightened his grasp on my hand, shutting the door behind me, allowing it echo off the tops of the surrounding trees so much that I would have sworn passengers of an airplane could have heard it, if there had been one. But there wasn't. The sky was completely empty, not even a single cloud, I realized as I allowed my eyes to take in the surroundings. There was something so imperceptibly perfect about the place he took me to. Glancing behind me down the long trail that'd led me to this spot, I vaguely wondered how he knew about this place at all, it wasn't until much later that I realized he would one day own it.

I'd be lying to you if I said that I wasn't nervous, despite the comfort of his touch, as he pulled me further towards the building that I was worried would collapse at any moment. How was I to know that it'd weathered many of storms, and was built to out last many more, another fact that I'd learned at some point between the first and last step I took into that place.

"Do you trust me?" He grinned as he used his free hand to latch onto one of the door handles that I quickly realized would cause an eerily ghostly sound that reminded of wind in a bad storm swirling in the tops of the trees, stealing every leaf that it'd nourished to growth.

A small smile spread across my lips as I couldn't help but nod. I did trust him, probably more than I'd ever trusted anyone, and if I would have allowed myself to concentrate on that fact longer than that instant, it probably would have scared me enough to go running. Trust was a lethal thing that I avoided almost as much as knights tried to avoid the black plague in medieval times. Not that it would have done any good. He would have went after me. If only for the reason that he would have been worried.

"Good." He grinned with an air of confidence that shocked me considering the shape of the building he'd brought me to, even though it fit him well as his arms bulged in aggravation as the door refused to slide to grant us entrance. I bit back my giggle as he gave it a second pull, refusing to release my hand to exert more force on it. Not that I would have noticed as my eyes were entranced by the toning of his arms. He was definitely a blue collar kind of guy, and the mystery behind that fact only enticed me more as I allowed myself to step closer to him, allowing his arm to brush against the thin fabric of my shirt, illicitly igniting a groan from deep in his throat that only encouraged me even more. How could I not take joy in the roar of his voice by such a simple action.

A devious grin sparkled on my features as I used my free hand to slowly reach behind my neck, not so casually untying the knot that was keeping the shirt from uncovering my chest, allowing to fall free and igniting another groan, this time much louder as he pulled me closer to him as if not to want anyone else to see the gift I'd so eagerly offered him. In that instant, the creaking door slid open quickly, sending us both back in an unexpected trip that landed my back against the crackled paint, his body flat against mine as a high pitched giggle escaped my lips before it died on his tongue as he captured my lips with his own. By the time he pulled away for a breath, I'd completely forgotten that I was pinned, albeit willingly, against a shed that I'd never seen before with a guy that I hadn't known longer than an hour, two max, topless! I'd done a lot of crazy things in my life, but this was by far the craziest. At least that I remember. But even drunk, I was sure I'd never done this.

Before I fully caught my breath, my back was off the wall and my feet were lifted off the ground as I was hoisted into the air just long enough for my legs to wrap themselves around his waist. The realization of how easily he held me, as if he'd done it a thousand times before, was not completely lost on me, it was simply dismissed as I allowed him to carry me into the dim building that smelled vaguely of paint, but mostly just of hay. Not that I opened my eyes long enough to confirm my guesses considering I was too lost in the kiss that I was entangled in. Although, in hind sight, I am quite impressed at his ability to navigate the area without breaking the kiss once. A task I didn't realize the difficulties of until much later.

It wasn't until he laid me down that I realized that somewhere along the way he'd discarded my bra and the remains of my shirt for me somewhere along the way, and it wasn't until he pulled away to let his eyes wander over my exposed body that I realized that we were on a mattress. No sheets or pillows or anything to comfort my slightly scratched back except for the bare material that did nothing but irritate it even more. Not that I minded as he leaned down so that his lips were nipping at my collarbone, his hands had found solace at the waistline of my jeans, running suicides from the center above the button to the very ends of my hips. I could vaguely make out mumbled words coming from his lips, but I was too distracted by his lavished attention to bother to pay attention to the words. It wasn't as important as the marks he was leaving on my skin, making sure that I wouldn't forget the encounter for as long as possible after it was over. As soon as a whimper would escape my lips, I could feel his tongue slide through his teeth, making silent promises to my skin that he would make it better. And he did until I was truly writhing beneath him, nearly begging him to kiss me again. It wasn't until he stopped and propped himself on his hands that were now planted firmly on either side of my hips on the twin size mattress that I realized he was still fully clothed, which I immediately hated. My fingers moving on their own accord to the zipper of his thin jacket, pulling it down swiftly in a moment before the jacket was discarded somewhere onto the ground that I had yet to actually see. He didn't seem to mind though as he lowered himself back down on me, this time starting at my jawline, causing another whimper to leave my lips until he finally moved his lips to mine, satisfying my need that I'd been desperately craving for what seemed like ever now. My arms snuck around his neck, pulling him even closer to me so that he couldn't tease me any more until I was satisfied. Once I was content that he wasn't going to desert my lips anytime soon, I allowed my arms to fall from his shoulders slowly, my index finger running a trail down his tensed muscles of his arm until I reached his hands, in which I quickly took into mine, bringing them up above my head. A move he didn't seem to protest as he seemed to meld even further into my embrace.

I smiled knowingly as he pulled away with a faint grunt as he disentangled our hands just long enough to remove his own shirt, and much to his dismay, my hands found his chest before he could grab onto them again. I was in tranced by his toned chest and abs. Almost chiseled, which came as a slight surprise because it was something you'd never guess with his shirt on. Sure, he looked fit. But I wouldn't have guessed in a million years that he looked like that. Before I could truly memorize every centimeter of his bare chest, he grabbed onto my hands, almost forcefully, with only one of his hands, until they were back over my head. I tensed slightly as I met his gaze, a smirk on his face that would not leave my thought for a very long time before he dissolved all my thoughts once again with a mind blowing kiss, this time making sure to give my bottom lip special attention until it was swollen, if not bruised, before letting his tongue escape once again, allowing it to make more promises of comfort that I completely believed he had every intention of keeping, if I would have allowed him. I was never a fan of submission of any sort, and I was determined to let it be known as I somehow tightened my legs squeeze on his waist until I rolled us over, finally for the first time since we'd reached the shed, I felt in control. Oh, how I love control. A fact he quickly learned as my newly freed hands worked their down his chest to the button of his jeans, quickly making work to release it from the tough jeans hold, as well as making work of the zipper in the same manner I had the jacket. Patience had never been a virtue that I'd possessed- ever. I grinned in amusement as a husky mutter left his lips of words that a true lady would never repeat, but she could definitely marvel in the fact that she was the cause of their utterance to begin with. And I did as I allowed my hips to lightly grind against his as I leaned over, flourishing his chest, that I'd been dying to taste ever since I'd laid eyes on it, with kisses that I had no control over. My mouth made quick work of various parts of his body, leaving marks of its own, until it trudged his way back up to his neck, directly below his ear so that he could feel every exhale that I bestowed against his skin as his own hands found their way to my hips, guiding them to satisfy him the best they could considering neither of us had discarded our shoes, much less our jeans. My teeth ran themselves over his earlobe before gently capturing it, allowing them to skid his skin, much like a spatula runs along the lining of an almost empty jar.

"I just.. I don't know your name." He spoke huskily as he struggled to keep his breath even, causing a knowing smile to grace my lips as I pulled myself away from him, just enough to meet his gaze.

"I know." I whispered as my hands ran through his hair, allowing the thick bundles of strands to run through my fingers at their own will before slowly pulling away, leaving him with a truly desperate look on his face as he watched me slowly remove myself off the bed. I couldn't help but laugh that he thought I was going to leave him there, so unsatisfied. But then again, he didn't know me at all. I ran one of my fingers along my teeth as I debated how slowly I wanted to make this go. After all, he was pretty much at my mercy, leaving him nothing to do but groan, nearly begging me to come back to him. Once I decided that I'd tortured him enough, I gently took one of his feet into my hands, placing it lightly against my stomach as I slowly, but meticulously, untied his shoelaces before slowly pulling off the shoe, followed by the sock before turning to my attention to the other one, following in the same steps as I had before until I was finished. Once I could see his scrunched toes, I grinned and leaned over to undo the black laces of my own heels. By the time I was free of my shoes, his hands were grasped firmly on the edges of the bed causing his white knuckles easy to see even with the dimness of the building. Placing one knee on the bed, I reached forward to the hem of his jeans, his hips immediately propping up so that I could free them of the material, which I did at an unbearably slow space, even for me. I almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost. After all, the best things in life are worth waiting for.

It wasn't until then that I realized that neither of us had planned this, and I almost whimpered at the realization that all the foreplay might be for nothing because there was no way I was having sex without a condom, especially with a stranger. He must have sensed the halt in my movements once his jeans were removed because he lifted his head, breathing heavily. "Wallet." He muttered, and my hands immediately scavenged the pockets until I found his wallet, breathing a sigh of relief as I found what I was looking for. Several actually. Quirking an eyebrow in amusement, I shrugged it off and tossed the packages onto the bed before sliding off my own jeans. With only a smidge of uncertainty and nervousness, I made my way back onto the bed, and my lips were immediately devoured by his, erasing any trace of doubt I had as I allowed him to hover of me in just his boxers. I writhed in anticipation as I felt his finger running a skimming line along the line of my underwear, sending tingles up and down my spine.

The rest of the afternoon was a haze until I woke up much later surrounded by darkness. I'd forgotten momentarily where I was until I felt the dead weight of his arm, draped across my waist. A knowing smile came over me and I turned around to face him, careful not to wake him, just yet, so I could memorize his every feature. Our actions were wrong and nearly forbidden. Or actually, maybe. I really wasn't sure, but I knew that I'd never be able to tell anyone about it, or him. It was a sad fact that I knew I had to accept. A part of me did. The part would eventually be our demise.

I watched as his eyes finally fluttered open several times before his sea blue irises met my half lidded eyes. I melted all over as the corners of his lips curled upwards into a heartwarming smile causing butterflies to go rapid in my stomach, and there was nothing I could do about it because even I looked away, I could still feel his powerful eyes gazing at my soul. I could only hope that he'd still look at me the same when he found what he was looking for.

"You're beautiful." He whispered as he lifted the arm that was resting on my hips to my hair and ran his calloused hands through it until he reached the ends, inevitably starting back at the roots immediately. I suppose because it was the only thing he didn't lavish with attention before. I grinned as I softly bit my tongue to keep from repeating the sentiment. Beautiful isn't a typical compliment for a guy, but oh my, he was. At least in the young man sense. His curly hair was like silk for my fingers to caress, and his eyes.. They were hypnotizing. He was just beautiful. Instead of speaking, I thanked him with a chaste kiss on his lips, knowing that we couldn't let it get carried away. It wasn't until then that I truly realized I was still completely exposed to him, and how easily it'd be to get lost in the moment- again.

"We should get back." He frowned, glancing at his watch, the only thing covering any of his flesh from my appreciative eye.

"What time is it?" I mumble, suddenly realizing that Anne was probably freaking out. After all, I had no phone with me.

"3 AM." He muttered, although he didn't seem nearly as surprised as I did by the revelation as my body immediately shot up to a sitting position as my fantasy night came to a crashing halt. Anne probably had the police looking for my by now.

"Oh my god. We have to go. Now!" I quickly jump of the bed to search for my clothes, which proved to be quite difficult in the pitch darkness.

I didn't bother to tune into his response before he got off the mattress as well, causing my cheeks to blush at the sight of him. I know I had seen it, if not stared before, but this was different. He was so comfortable, and I was so.. not. It was that moment I decided I was going to go to the gym at least three times a week. And I have, even now. Oddly enough, that is also how I met my fiance, who will forever put me to shame.

By the time I got back to my apartment, Anne had nearly driven herself to frantic tears, and all I could think about was how happy I was that Derek had picked the last piece of straw from my hair before I left his truck, after making him promise to wait half an hour before coming upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**We strolled through the mall with our coats and our Cokes that we bought from the ice cream stand  
And I was aware how nobody stared as we passed by hand in hand**

5 months. It'd been five months since he knocked his way into my life, and very few people were the wiser. I still let Anne drag me to the clubs once a week, which he didn't seem to mind because I always ended up in his bed at the end of the night. Anne knew there was someone, but I'd insisted I didn't want to jinx it, so I kept my lips sealed. Christmas had somehow magically rolled around, and with some persuasion on his part, he dragged me to the mall to help each other buy gifts. The basics really, perfume and purses for the moms, watches and golf clubs for the dads. Each gift went smoothly as we made our way through the various stores in the mall. It was noon before I took notice of the roar escaping my stomach. I blushed as he tightened his grasp on my hand before leading me to the food court. He looked good that day, I remember. No usual stains on his hands or clothes, and his hair was styled to the point where it didn't even look real. I wasn't sure if the stares were directed at me or him, but I'm almost positive it had nothing to do with the exponential gap between the balances in our banking accounts. How could it, I realized, as I glanced down at my attire. A pair of baggy sweat pants and a band t-shirt that was his. I'd never even heard of the band, but I loved the smell of it on me. I loved the smell of him.

"So." He began hesitantly as we sat down at the 2 seated table in the far corner of the food court that hardly anyone was at except for some, I assume, high school kids that were most likely on a date, second if I had to guess. Probably had to be dropped off by their parents. Refocusing my attention on his determined set of eyes, I gave him a faint smile, nervous as to what he was going to say. He was rarely unsure of his words. Me, on the other hand, well, I was usually nothing more than a jumble of words compressed into one or two breaths. Three, if I was lucky.

"Yes?" I cross my ankles, bringing them as far back as they'd go towards the bottom of the seat.

"I think that it's safe to say that this just isn't a fling, right?" He glanced insecurely around us at all the restaurants that we could have eaten at before meeting my gaze. I watched as he swallowed the lump in his throat. That should have been my sign that this wasn't going into familiar territory, but it somehow didn't register. At least not to the extent that he was leading to. But, of course, he was always big on surprises.

"Really? You think so?" I mock him slightly, letting my smirk be known before my hands slid across the table to grab his, which I quickly found were clammy and sweaty. Another sure sign that this was bad, and another one I chose to dismiss.

"I'm being serious, babe." He nearly groaned, squinting his eyes in frustration. It wasn't until that moment that I realized he never used my name, even after I told him what it was, on our third... whatever it is you want to call what we had.

"So what are you getting to, Derek?" I glare slightly, agitated that I didn't see the direction that he so obviously had planned out.

"I think it's time we.. You know.. Make us an us. Official." He smiled, tightening his grasp on my hands as his all too confident smile brightened his face. "I want to tell the world that I have you." It wasn't until that moment that I realized what he was saying. He wanted to stop being my secret, and become my real boyfriend. Wasn't it enough that I was being faithful to him? Was he not being faithful the entire time? Why did it matter who knew?

"Like who?" I asked, my throat's dryness making it nearly impossible to talk without sounding like I was drawing my last breath as an 107 yr old woman with a bad case of emphysema. Which I found completely annoying considering I didn't even smoke! My voice wasn't suppose to sound like that! It was betraying me! At the worst possible time!

"I want to know your family. I want you to know mine. I want my mom to know that I'm not alone in this 'big, awful city'." He grinned, quoting his mothers words, something he'd done many times after talking to her on the phone. I would have been lying to say that I hadn't thought of meeting the nearly epic woman that he almost praised. Raising five kids could not have been a small feat. And then there was his sisters. Maybe they could have been like my sisters too. Of course, I knew that they would all hate me at first. Simply because I lo.. Because I cared about their brother. Love was a word that I didn't know the meaning of then. I'm only just realizing it's depths now. Either way, all of those thoughts had, against my better judgment, entertained my thoughts on several occasions. And I wasn't even afraid of his family. I could handle a little criticism. It wouldn't be anything I hadn't told myself. No, his family wasn't the problem at all. It was mine. They could, and would, tear him apart. How could I tell them that though? I couldn't.

"Woah there, tiger!" I manage to say in a relatively normal tone, compared to the last time I attempted to speak. Maybe because on some level, I'd expected this to happen. He was a traditional guy. But honestly, can you imagine our parents asking how we met? 'Funny story actually. He wanted to use my phone, and I wanted to screw him. We both got what we wanted." I mean, that's not something you can tell the grandkids! Not that I ever thought about having grandkids with him! Not that he wouldn't be great with them, but. Gr. "Don't you think we should give them some sort of warning?" I mutter, unimpressed, as I grasp for straws, any straws at all.

"I thought you liked surprises." He grinned, lifting his eyebrows repeatedly in a suggestive manner.

"Ass." I mutter, still not being able to wipe the smile off my face completely. He was just too cute for his own good sometimes.

"Come on. Please." He pouted his lower lip until my last wall of defense crumbled to mere ashes.

"Fine." I grin. "I'll tell them over Christmas. It'll be a nice gift for their... stocking." I giggled as I felt his leg slide up against mine.

"Good." He smiled, licking his bottom slip slowly until I leaned across the table and kissed him. What can I say. I was so incredibly weak.

**But talking to my folks seemed like a bad joke I didn't know how to begin  
So I just sighed and told a few lies and tried to lift up my chin**

Sunday Family Dinners. If there was ever anything that was required of me that I hated, it was definitely Sunday Night Dinners. The perfectly square table was made of wood with a dark coat of paint that had been there for as long as I could remember. Not that anyone really knew that because it had a different covering every week, if not day. My mom hated to look at the same thing twice. If I believed for one moment that my mom would ever touch drugs, I would blame them, but my mom is much too sheltered for that, so I'm left with no excuse. It's just the way she is. I've accepted it. This time she had a white covering that had large sunflowers on it. Of course, it seemed completely out of place considering it was below twenty degrees outside, and they were expecting snow in the next day, but who was I to say anything. She would have fainted if she knew I had never put a tablecloth on my dining room talbe- ever. I like to think of it as my dirty little secret from my mom. I figure I could do much worse.

In addition to the table cloth, she had arranged matching place mats, as well as dishes that all incorporated some sort of sunflower theme on them. I glanced towards my dad, but quickly received a stern glare that promised consequences if I as so much cracked a joke about the fact the wine glasses even looked like tall blooming sunflowers.

"Looks great, mom." I manage, as best as I could as I thought about how many of these glasses would be broken after I told them. I had to tell them. Sunday night dinners were one of the few times I saw my parents together. I'd never understood their relationship. They seemed to coexist in perfect harmony, yet something just wasn't quite right. They never really touched or laughed or kissed. They just were. I wondered vaguely if they even spoke when away from the dinner table. I'd also wondered if that's why my mom went all out on them. After all, she was getting attention. And if anything, my mother craved attention.

"Thank you." She smiled with pride as her eyes glanced over the table setting, her eyes flickering slightly for just a moment before returning to normal. I blamed the fact that she probably had a fork in the wrong position. Or maybe it was a knife. I don't know, I still have no idea which one I'm actually suppose to use and when, I can always count on a stern disapproving glare from my mother if I'm wrong, quickly followed by a clearing of the throat by my dad if the glare becomes tense enough for him to actually feel it. Maybe they'd just ran out of things to say to each other, but I had to give him credit, he knew exactly what she was thinking in those times, whether it'd be slightly adjusting a bowl or glass, or a napkin placed on the table instead of our laps. That was a big one. My mom was a firm believer in a napkin never touching the table once the meal had been started. Not until the very last fork was sat down for food. My house didn't have a lot of rules growing up, but that one went unspoken. I don't remember every really being taught it either, it just was. Kind of how I knew my relationship with Derek wouldn't be taken well. There are some things we just know instinctively, even when we wish we didn't. But all the shooting stars in the sky wouldn't be able to make my parents take this news with grace.

"Didn't you have something you wanted to tell us?" My mother asked, obviously on slight edge. Bless her heart, she tries so hard to hide it.

My eyes darted between my two parents and the wine glass in front of me that had a yellow tint on it. Wanted? Yes. Want? That's a big NO. N-O. Really. Honest! Biting my lower lip almost painfully, I lifted my head as best as possible, and looked my mom straight in the eye. "I've been thinking about transferring to UCLA." Okay. So it was a lie. A huge lie. A lie that my parents, I thought, would never accept. Boy, was I wrong.

"HONEY! That's... that's great news!" My mom beamed, and I nearly chocked on the water I was drinking. Great news? It was NOT great news. It was, in fact, the opposite of great news. I never wanted to. I didn't. I thought they would shake their head and dismiss it.

"You know, I have some friends over there. I could make some calls for you." My dad did his best smile after he took in my mom's all too happy response. I could tell he wasn't at all thrilled with it, but he was never one to stand against my mom.

"Wha.. Bu.. Seriously?!" I gapped. I couldn't even trust to know my own parent's reaction anymore. I didn't want to move across the country to California! Were they high?

"I don't understand." My mother gave me a questioning glance, and it was all I could do to keep my head level. It seemed as it'd already been decided with the air of finality surrounding me, and I didn't like it. Not one bit.

**Please review! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys. I know this is a short chapter, but I couldn't ever get it exactly how I wanted it. Hope you like it though! Let me know! **

**P.S! Contains sexual content. Just a WARNING! **

**You called my home, they said I wasn't there  
I wanted to run, but I stuck to my chair  
When I said I'd tried you didn't believe me  
And inside I was screaming**

It'd been a week and a half since I'd talked to him, since I'd left for my parents place. I'd told them that if I had any calls to say I was out. I couldn't face him. I'd been such a coward. I couldn't even tell my parents that I.. I had a boyfriend. I was moving across the country in two months to California because why? Because I'm a freaking coward. How is this better again? I grabbed the twenty dollar bill off of my side table when I heard a knock on the door, expecting it to be the pizza guy.

"Derek." I couldn't tell if he was happy or angry at me, so I simply moved out of the way and allowed him to come inside. I guess I should just have been happy that i hadn't started boxing yet. That probably wouldn't have made it any worse in the end, just the initial greeting. He walked stiffly by me, managing to not even brush against me on the way, which was a hard feat considering how small the hallway was. I tried to ignore how much I missed him, but it was hard. He smelled just the way I remembered him, and I wanted to know if he felt the same too. After I shut the door, I followed him into the living room, where he was currently pacing. The candle on the table was flickering from the slight breeze he offered, and I wondered if it was going to blow out.

"I called you. I called you SEVERAL times." He stated clearly, as if there was no room for debate. Not that I was going to argue the point, I was painfully aware of that fact. I had wanted to talk to him so badly, but I couldn't. I should have. He was probably worried sick about me, but I was an awful person that didn't deserve the worry.

"I'm sorry." I lowered my eyes to the floor, studying every small detail I could to avoid his piercing gaze. Why did his eyes have to be so powerful? They demanded me to meet them, and so I did. My heart broke all over again as tears pooled in his eyes. It was like he knew that I was a coward, that I couldn't face my parents. He wasn't even all that angry. He was disappointed in me, ashamed even. I hated it. I hated myself for making him look at me like that. I expected him to yell, to scream, to tell me how much he hated me for ruining his holidays with worry and anguish. I expected to quiver in fear. Not that he would ever hurt me, but I expected him to want to. And maybe he did. But only in the way that I'd hurt him. which was far worse than anything he could have physically done to me. I know that now, but I didn't then.

"Why. Why even give me hope?" He walked slowly towards me, and instead of cowering back into a wall, something told me to stand my ground, so I did. I straightened my back and looked up to meet his gaze full on. I thought I was prepared for his wrath.

"I wanted to tell them, Derek. I did. I wanted to so badly." I wanted to fall into his chest, and beg him to comfort me as I cried my heart out to him. But I didn't. It wouldn't have been fair for either of us.

"But you didn't." He sighed, and I knew that he'd finally confirmed his fears. They were probably confirmed before with the apology, but he couldn't deny it anymore. Not even to himself.

"My parents wouldn't understand." I whispered weakly, and even then I knew it was a pathetic response. I didn't have an excuse for my actions though. How was I going to tell him about moving to California before he forgave me- it's all I could think about.

"I.. I can't do this anymore." My breath hitched in my throat as he took a step away from me. Surely he didn't mean it. We loved each other. Atleast I thought we did.

"Wha.. Derek.. you don't mean it." I hate that I started crying. I was being weak again, but I couldn't help it. He was purposely breaking my heart. I took a step toward him, and I was surprised when he didn't move away from me. I grabbed onto his hands, and squeezed them as tightly as I could with my shaking hands.

"I'm sorry." He whispers and he leans ever so slightly and places a chaste kiss into my hair. About as physically far away from my lips as he could reach, and I could feel my lips parch.

"You don't mean it." I shook my head stubbornly, refusing to accept the inevitable fate.

"I'm sorry." He repeated himself, and I wanted nothing more than to just slap some sense into him. I didn't want his apologies, not then, not ever.

"STOP SAYING THAT!" I yell louder than even I meant to before releasing his hands to cup his face, pulling him into a rough kiss. It felt much like the first kiss we shared the day I met him, and oddly enough, I'm almost certain it was in the same exact spot. Something about coming full circle filtered through my mind, but I refused to listen to it, and I pushed my tongue forcefully through his lips, forcing him to respond to me, somehow. To show me that he loved me. That he cared. That he wasn't JUST sorry. Just as I was about to give up, I felt his arms snake around my waist and pull me closer. Next thing I knew he was sitting down on my coffee table, and I was afraid it wouldn't hold his weight, but it wasn't a big enough worry to stop myself from collapsing into his hold at the gentlest of tugs, crashing right back into his lips.

I smiled as a moan filtered through the deafening silence of the apartment. He wasted no time to let his hands roam every inch of my body he could touch in the position we were in. I see the candle flicker behind him, but I'm too scared he will change his mind to say anything about it as he lays down, his hair just barely missing the flame. I was thankful that my hair was in a ponytail as I leaned over him, refusing to give him any amount of space or time to reconsider. Even if it was the last time, I needed it.

It wasn't until clothes were being discarded that I realized how hot the flame was exactly, making me sweat. "Baby.." I whined as I outreached my hand to grab the candle to blow it out and move it out of the way. But I was stopped before I could do anything by Derek who kissed me again, taking the candle from my grasp. Even with my eyes closed, I could tell that the candle was too close to my skin for my comfort. I breathed a sigh of relief as he finally blew out the candle, placing it on the floor on the other side of the table.

It was dark when I woke up in my bed, alone. He'd left me. The sheets beside me were cold, telling me he probably never even fell asleep. I tried to remember the details of the day, but they were all just a big blurr in my mind. Had the pizza guy ever even showed up? Too bad he hadn't left it. I could have gone for some pizza right about then. I was starved. It wasn't until I sat up that I saw it. His departing gift. A simple red rose, attached to a note. The note. The note that was on repeat in my mind for months on end. I took my time smelling the rose before I dared touch the piece of paper. How had I not heard him come back? It wasn't fair.

_To my love, _

_I couldn't bare to wake you. you looked so peaceful. I wanted to remember you that way. I think we both knew this was going to happen eventually, just maybe not this soon. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I asked for too much, too soon. I am just.. I was just so crazy about you. It was mind blowing what just a look from you did to me. Your dad called while I was leaving. Cali, huh? Wow. I always knew you were too great for this town, though. You are going to change the world someday, love. You'll forget all about me, and find someone else. You deserve so much more than me, baby. I hope you know that. If you don't, you will. I'm going to be out of town for awhile, and I guess, you'll be gone when I get back. Take care of yourself, and always know that I love you. You will always be my first love._

_Always Yours,_

_Derek Shepherd_


	5. Chapter 5

**7-Now you might as well have dwelled in a land far across the sea**

**But I'm still held by the spell of the days when we were so carefree**

**And our eyes were wide with pride and the tide of possibilities**

**Now all I can do is hope that you'll remember me**

Three hours. Its taken me three hours to write this letter, but I'm finally finished, which is just as amazing, really. I have finally said goodbye to my feelings for Derek Shepherd. It will be better this way.

"BABE?" I smile as I hear his voice echoing down the hallway, followed closely by the door being shut. He, my fiance, is here to pick me up. We're having dinner with his parents. Who are a bit intimidating. They've never really liked me, and can I just say that it's a good thing that the bride's family pays for the wedding, otherwise, it might not be happening. They don't seem to think I'm good enough for him. Maybe I'm not. My eyes bulge as I realize that the letter is still out. I quickly jolt open the desk drawer, jamming it in there along with the pen before shutting it, standing up simultaneously to greet him, making a mental note to put it in my mailbox first thing tomorrow morning.

"In here!" I call out, figuring he'd see me before I could say bedroom anyway. I was right. Before I can ever smooth out the lines of my dress, he's pulled me into his arms tightly, allowing my arms to slip around his neck.

"I was worried when you didn't answer my calls." He pouts, and I can't help but laugh. There's rarely a time I go anywhere without my cell, but I silenced it to write the letter. I needed to concentrate. I couldn't have wrote it and talked to him at the same time.

"Sorry babe, it was on silent." I grin before pecking his lips, silently telling him he has nothing to worry about. I don't have cold feet. My feet have never been warmer than they are in this moment.

"What did I tell you about that!" He laughed as his hand slid down my arm to my hand, intertwining our fingers together as he led me towards the doorway. "We're going to be late."

My body stiffens as I glance down at my watch again. Crap! I didn't even realize how late it was. I mean. I knew, but it didn't register with the reservation time. "Oh my god. I am SO sorry, Mark. I didn't mean... Oh my god. You're mother already hates me as it is. And now she's going to think.. Oh my god!" I can hear him laughing, and I don't see what is so funny at all. There is nothing funny about my future mother in law hating me.

"Relax. Haven't you ever heard of fashionably late?" He grinned, not even bothering to turn around and giving me one of those knee melting looks that would make me turn to goo. No time for that I suppose.

"Yes. But has your mother?" I retorted quickly, barely remembering to grab my purse off the side table by the door as we passed through it. It was times like these I always put my shoes by the door.

"She invented it." He laughs again, and it's all I can do to stop from slapping his arm, but I refrain because it always manages to hurt my hand more than his arm, which really is just not the least bit fair!

"Oh. Great. So now I can't even be originally late!" I huff as I pause at the door to slide into my heels, using him as a balance even though I don't really need to. I have entirely too much practice with heels. My mother would truly be disappointed if she saw me leaning on him. But really, it is never a bad thing to lean against him. The muscles and the cologne, and just. Believe me. It's not a bad thing.

"Deep breath." He grins as he leans into me, kissing my forehead as I fix a kink in my dress. I reluctantly follow his instructions and smile as a wave of calmness hits me. He has that effect on me. Which is odd since usually I'm just a nervous wreck around him, afraid that he's going to change his mind somehow. After all, a lot of things could happen between now and next Saturday. "You look perfect. Stop fidgeting."

"I'm sorry. Have you ever met your mother? She's freaking flawless, Mark .Not well poised kind of perfect, although she is that too, but freaking impossibly PERFECT!"

"She is not." He smiles as he uses his free hand to cup my cheek, demanding eye contact with his touch, which I obey. "Want to know a secret?" I simply nod my head, because I can't think of a single thing to say, not knowing where he's taking this. He is anything but predictable. It's one of the things that I love about him. I know him better than I know anyone, but he still surprises me every day.

He leans into me, unbearably close to be without actually kissing him. I can feel his eyes on my lips, yet he doesn't connect them. Freaking tease. "If you're really good tonight, I might tell you one." He laughs before quickly backing away, and leading us out the door to distract me from yelling at him.

"That was MEAN!" I pout as I follow him into the elevator, that was surprisingly open. I'm not exactly sure how he pulled that off, but I'm not surprised that he did. Whatever Mark Sloan wants, Mark Sloan gets. I guess I'm not exception. And can I just say Thank FREAKING God for that! My tongue flickers against my lips as my eyes examine him. He's wearing a suit that, as usual, flatters him great. I'm not sure there's anything the man could wear that wouldn't flatter him though. Not really.

"Think of it as a treat." He smiles as he corners me in the elevator, both of his hands on either side of my hips, resting heavily on the handrails. His breath tickles my neck, causing goosebumps to pop up all around it's contact point. I can hear a faint chuckle escape his lips, but I'm too frozen to even say anything about it. It's not fair that he can do this to me. It's really not. A moment later, I can feel his tongue on my skin, followed quickly by his warm lips, this time sending goosebumps shooting down my spine, continuing right down my legs, causing my legs to nearly crumble at the touch. His hands slowly grasped on to my hips before moving down to the hymn of my dress, daring to slide beneath the fabric.

"Mark. Don't. We're in a.. " My words trailed off as he found the spot. He'd been circling it the entire time, waiting until I protested, knowing I wouldn't be able to resist. "Th.. That's not fair." I pouted, unknowingly extending my neck to give him more room, not so silently berating myself the entire time.

"We have three more floors." He reasoned, as if that was a good explanation as to why his hands were getting dangerously close to a place they shouldn't be in public, even if we were alone in an elevator.

I smiled in relief when the elevator clinged, just as I was about to give in, alarming us that the door was about to open. "This is so not right." He groaned as he pulled me forwards away from the wall, allowing me to gain my composure for a moment before the doors slid apart, revealing an elderly couple, both reliant on canes to walk. The only thing that caught my attention is that they were holding hands, and I couldn't help but smile. I can only hope that I will have that someday. That we will have that.

"That'll be us someday." He whispered softly into my ear as he slid behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist. I smiled as I nodded my head. Against all my fears, I believed him. He'd never lied to me before, and I didn't see it happening now.


	6. Chapter 6

**But I guess this is how it had to be We see the world so differently**

**I didn't love you, you didn't love me And it was just curiosity**

**Sometimes the road to love isn't paved We had to find our own way**

**We lost faith in what we believed And it was just curiosity**

**It was curiosity, baby Just curiosity**

The day is finally here. I will become Mrs. Marcus Sloan in precisely 3 hours. Seven hours, and instead of thinking about how my dress is going to match my french manicured nails, I'm thinking about _him._ I don't want to be thinking about him. I want to be thinking about my future husband, but I can't stop. I know I sent the letter, but I just feel like I didn't say goodbye. There was something I left out. I can just _feel _it. I wish it wasn't bad luck to see the groom. I know it's just cold feet. Everyone gets cold feet. Mark would make me forget him. He makes me forget, and I need to forget. I can't walk down that aisle thinking of another man. I won't do that to myself, or him.

A knock on the door gets my attention as I hang up the dress, that is still in it's bagged hanger, and make my way to the door. "Dear, It's Melinda. Can I come in?" Melinda. Mark's mother. Oh God. She isn't going to like threaten me to call off the wedding, is she? She isn't that mean, I hope.

"One second." I call out, taking a deep breath before opening the door. Every time she's in the room, I can't help but stand a little straighter and smile a little bigger. How is it possible to be THAT flawless?

"Hi Melinda. Please, come in." I step backwards, allowing her to enter the relatively small room at the back of the church.

"Why don't you have your dress on, dear? Pictures are soon." She frowns as she eyes the dress by the window.

"Oh. I was waiting for my mom. Apparently putting the dress on is a HUGE deal." I fake a smile. That was a lie, but she'd never know that.

"I can help you, if you'd like. I mean, after all, we'll be family in a few hours, after all. Right?" She asks, and for a moment I was scared she saw right through me, but I go through with it anyway.

"Right." I nod as I cross the room, grabbing the dress and bringing it to her.

"Nervous?" She asks with possibly the most sincere smile I have ever seen from her.

"A little." I can't help but to answer honestly. A wave of relief washes over me as she starts to laugh and nod her head.

"I was terrified the day I got married to Marcus's father. I was a nervous wreck. My hands were trembling terribly, and my eyeliner kept smearing because everyone kept making me cry! It was terribly tragic." She laughs as she looks at the gown, probably remembering her own.

"Oh gosh. If someone makes me cry. .I don't think I'd be able to stop!" I grin, placing my fingers under my eyes just in case.

"The dress is beautiful, dear. Mark is lucky to have you." Did she really just say that? Oh My God.

"Thank you." I smile, fighting the urge to run up and hug her. I don't think she'd take it well.

"So let's get the bride ready, shall we?" She nods, not really even speaking to me.

"We shall." I reply anyway, just for my own need to keep silence from enveloping the room.

She has me picture perfect in no time, and I realize that to her, it's just expected. She's actually a very nice person, once you aren't afraid to speak to her. "Melinda?" I speak softly as she lowers my veil over my face.

"Yes Dear?"

"I'm sorry we've never really talked." I smile genuinely at her, and I'm thankful when she returns the gesture.

"Oh dear, that's probably my fault. Mark has never done very well with picking women before, so I'd assumed you were the same. That's my fault. So, I am sorry too."

"Well I'm glad you changed your mind. I'm really happy to become a Sloan." I grin happily, looking down at the bare finger that will soon hold a ring.

"Better go. The photographer isn't very patient." She grins, extending her hand out for me to take.

"Off we go." I smile as I grab her hand, but instantly stop in my tracks. "Wait. I can't see Mark before the wedding! It's bad luck!"

"Darling this IS the wedding." She laughs before gently pulling me behind her to another part of the church. At least it wasn't the alter.

"Right." I agree, taking another deep breath before walking over the threshold, Mark immediately coming into sight.

"Feel better now?" She laughs as she notices our locked gaze.

"Much." I grin, withdrawing from her hold to go to my husband. We went to City Hall yesterday, but I still don't think of him as my husband until the vows are said. As soon as I'm in his arms, I smile into his ear. "I love you, Marcus Sloan."

"I love you too, Mrs. Sloan." I can feel him smile against my skin, sending a shiver down my spine. It had such a nice ring to it. At last, he is put out of mind.

There is nothing quite like the feeling you get as you walk down the aisle. Every eye in the room on you. It's a little unnerving really. I almost wonder if my dad is doing something to make them look that way. As if their in aw that I'm not falling. Not that that is surprising, I am in awe of that myself. I don't even cast a glance at anyone in the pews surrounding me, keeping my eyes solely locked on Mark's. The preacher says it will keep me focused, CLEARLY he has not noticed Mark's body. Nothing about that man keeps me focused. But I didn't argue. He's done this before, after all. Not something I can say.

The walk itself goes by in a blur, and before I know it, my dad is handing me off to Mark, who still has a big grin on his face. I have a feeling I know what he's thinking, and I'm pretty sure it's a sin to think that in a church, but who am I to judge. Exactly.

I can faintly hear the preacher address the crowd, but I can't bring myself to listen. I realize I should seeing as how I'm eventually going to have to repeat stuff, but really how hard could that be. Love. Sickness. Death. It doesn't vary that much, does it?

"Does anyone have any reason as to why these two should not be wed today?" Oh Crap! I fight the wince that wants to take over my face as I hear the words. Surely everyone knows that's just a formality, right? Even if they don't agree, they wouldn't do this to me, right? I can hear rustling around and my stomach starts to get antsy. Mark squeezes my hand, forcing me to smile. No, nothing was going to ruin this.

"I do." OH MY GOD. It's him. Oh my God. I blink twice before looking out into the crowd, and there he is. Last row of the church. His hair just as wavy, if not more, as it ever was, and his eyes are bright, yet sorrowful. I don't know whether it's because of the situation he'd put us in, or that he'd been that way for a awhile, but there was just an air of sorrow surrounding him, and I hated to see him like that.

"Addison." They both say my name, and I have no idea what to do. I look back at Mark, and I can tell hes silently asking me who that was. I'd never told him about Derek. I didn't' see the point.

"Derek." I sigh as I turn back around towards the crowd, I can even see my mom covering her face in horror, like she's ashamed of me. I didn't plan this! "Derek.." I speak louder, "What are you doing here?"

"I got an invitation in the mail." He muttered, and I wince. It was just a formality. He wasn't suppose to come! I would have never come to his wedding! And I definitely wouldn't have objected to it!

"Okay. What are you doing _now?" _I ask, not letting go of Mark's hand for a moment.

"I.. I miss you." He blushes, and I could feel Mark's grip tense, and suddenly I'm glad that he came. I know now more than ever that Mark _is_ the right guy for me.

"I'm sorry, Derek. I... I love Mark." I frown, even though I'm not sure he can distinguish my face with my veil covering it.

"What.. What about the letter?" I can tell he doesn't want to do this in front of all these people, but that's what he gets for objecting. What was he freaking thinking!

"It was a goodbye letter, Derek. I thought I made that pretty clear." I take a step back towards Mark, not wanting to have this conversation either. This is my freaking wedding!

"Letter?" Mark finally broke his silence, and I quickly turn towards him, trying to think of something to explain myself.

"I just.. I had to say goodbye, Mark." I frown, glancing down at the floor, the red carpet contrasting greatly with my white dress.

"That's it?" He asks, raising my chin with his finger, forcing me to meet his gaze.

"That's it." I whisper, wanting nothing more than to kiss him right there, but I'm pretty sure that's very much against a lot of rules.

"How do you call it CURIOSITY, Addison?" I wince once again, I really hoped that I'd never have to hear that word again, especially in reference to him. I can feel my mother's glaring eye on me as my dad shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Of course, I can't blame them seeing as how they have NO idea who he is, or how I know him.

"Because we both know that it was. Okay Derek? You left. You don't get to ruin the best day of my life when you left. Please leave!"

Derek was about to speak again when Mark took a step forward, in front of me, and cleared his throat. "She said leave."

I can tell he's trying to get me to look at him, but I refuse, but he continues anyway. He's never been one to be quiet.

"I'm not finished! I'm allowed to object!" He pushes on, glancing to the preacher to prove his point. I glance at the preacher, begging him to say no, but this is clearly a first for him, because he's fighting for words.

"Well.. I suppose. It's really not.. Oh dear." He frowns at me quickly before nodding his head. "He is allowed, I suppose." He mutters, and you can tell he didn't want to. Not that Derek seems to care.

"It doesn't matter, Derek. When someone asks you to leave a private service, you leave!" I speak clearly, refusing to let my voice crack. I really wish Ruth was here. She'd help me! Then again, she'd probably want to talk, and that would just be humiliating.

"I love you, Addison." He frowns, and I can tell that Mark is ready to really hurt him, so I quickly grab onto his hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

"No, you don't. You should move on. We.. We were a lifetime ago, Derek. Move on. I did."

"If that's what you **really** want, Addi. I'll leave."

"It's what I want." I reply quickly, leaving no room for interruption or hesitation. I glance away, not wanting to see him broken.

"Goodbye Addison." He frowns before slowly turning around and leaving the church. I feel like running away now that every eye in the house is on me, and not in the least bit of a good way. My parents are humiliated, Mark looks hurt, and Melinda's looking at me the same way she looked at me the first time she met me. She was just starting to like me! This isn't fair.

The preacher clears his throat, and I'm thankful for the distraction as I turn towards him. I think he's debating to ask again, but I swear he will not get paid if he does. "Shall we continue?" He finally asked, and I quickly nod. Please, for the love of God, continue.

Mark nods his head as well, and the ceremony continues. No one in the crowd makes so much as a whisper of a noise. For that, I am thankful. The rest of the ceremony went by without any problems, and soon enough I was Mrs. Addison Montgomery Sloan.

"Curiosity, eh?" Mark grinned as he whispered into my ear during our first dance as man and wife.

"Yeah." I laugh that he's making fun of me about it. At least he isn't mad I suppose.

"So you're not just curious how I look without clothes on?" He gasps in mock shock and I fight really hard not to snort of laughter. After all, there are cameras still flashing everywhere.

"Oh, don't worry babe. I got that all covered." I grinned before pulling him into a sweet kiss. I mean really, how could I not?

The End!


End file.
